Day Five: The Day I Won't Forget

Day Five: The Day I won’t forget

(free writing please forgive the errors)

The day I wont forget is the day I withdrew from college and reported to active duty during Operation Desert Storm.  It was an emotional day the started with saying good bye to all of my friends.  I received a lot of hugs and tears from folks who were scared, angry and sad to see to go.  I had friends who were also withdrawing that day, so I didn’t feel totally alone.  The hardest part was the broken relationship I had with my girl that I didn’t have the ability to repair.  We were together for nearly two years and had experienced more than our share of ups and downs.  She was my everything, which was a huge part of the problem and when she couldn’t deal with my depression, she left me.  No doubt it was sanity’s sake that she left me.  I certainly didn’t see what my pain was doing to her at the time.  In my unfairness to her, I made her my everything, my answer, my cure my life.  What do you do when a person places that much weight on your shoulders and expect you to carry them in their darkest hour? 

I remember that day feeling a little bit like a relief to both of us because the anticipation of everything was worse than the day itself.  I spent months leading up to that day in such a deep depression, that I would forget to eat.  I couldn’t concentrate in class and every day on the news the war was all anyone ever wanted to talk about.  I was overwhelmed mostly by our break up.  She slipped away from me and into the arms of another man.  I was crushed as any person would imagine. I lost my goddess.  My faith was sinking of hole that I could not climb out of. but I received the inevitable call from my National Guard unit, I felt relieved, like I could just let go of everything.

so that day I met with each and every teacher and professor I had.  Everryone  was kind and gracious.  Many admired me and even my ex girl helped me get all of my business in order.  I’m sure she was relieved that I was going away.  Who needs a constantly reminder of the guilt she must have felt for falling out of love with me.  I look back now with certain wisdom and understanding that only comes from healing. I  don’t blame her for desiring  bit of closer in watching me go. 

After I said goodbye and officially withdrew from the school, I gave her a letter.  It was the last chance and I felt so confident about the letter that I was convinced that she would instantly be mine again.  I watched her as she read it in front of me, her face changed from light hearted to anger.  She was actually angry with me. I was devastated.  She ripped it front of me and yelled at me and I just stood there taking every blow of it. I was crushed at the time, but I needed to be crushed.  She blessed me that day because I need to know there was no hope of us getting back together.  I needed to move on and focus on being a full time soldier, not a part time lover.  It was the hardest and yet one the best days of my life.