love is an offering

     Before last summer, my wife and I sat down and dreamed out loud.   We wanted to take our family on road trip, a real vacation.   Our oldest son was about to graduate form high school.   We were preparing to serve at a Christian camp for kids after the school year ended. We were definitely going to need a time of rest and relaxation.       So we prayed and hoped that God would be gracious to us.   Our prayers were answered when some friends of ours offered to let our family spend a week in their condo in Estes Park Colorado.   All we needed was a means to get there and food for the week.   We were overjoyed! After my son’s graduation and our camp week, we loaded up the family and drove to Colorado! I still can’t believe we did it!   My wife and I took turns driving.   We drove in shifts until we were both so tired that we couldn’t go any farther.   The kids sat i...

Fear:   to be afraid something or someone.   What do I fear? I’m in a room filled with 100’s people, excited filled with anticipation.   I’m standing in the back of room waiting for my name to be called, going over my notes.   My name is called.   I make my way up to the front of the room and there’s a dead silence.   It’s in that silence that I experience fear.   I think back to those horrific moments in school when I stuttered so bad that I needed a speech therapist.   Having the words in my mind, but they’re trapped, held hostage by my terror.   When I was a kid, there were times when I   was afraid to answer the phone.   I remember one time, the phone rang, I picked it up and I discovered that it was my Dad.   My Dad that lived in California, when I lived in Louisiana.   I was terrified. My dad kept saying “Hello?, Hello?”I was paralyzed.   I could not speak.   I can’t remember if I ...

When I was eight, I fell in love this skinny girl in the third grade.   Her name was …Lucy.   Lucy didn’t love me, of course, but I wouldn’t let that minor detail discourage me.   Every time Lucy would walk by my   heart would beat a little faster.   My palms   would   sweat and I would forget how to speak English.   Lucy thought I was freak for sure with skinny legs, long feet, glasses and all. I was a little soul afro mess!   All I wanted more than anything in world, other than a shwinn bicycle, was to spend a little time with Lucy under the oak tree in our elementary school. One morning before school, I was hanging out some of the older guys.   Imitating their poses, I was playing it cool.   That is until Lucy walked by.   I finally I said something close to human, but Lucy was far from impressed.   Lucy rolled her eyes, sucked her teeth at me and strutted on by.   The fellas all laughed a...

The Coward The boy’s voice awakened the man.   He found shelter in the abandoned school, in what was once, his school, his office.   Eleven, twelve, and thirteen year old students once ran down those halls, hurrying to their classes, hurrying to his English class. Now since the incident, no children survived that massacre.   That thought made the man shake with fear until he drifted off to sleep.   So when the man heard the boy’s voice screaming “Help Me!, Please Help Me!”   it shook the man from his sleep.   The man laid still.   His heart pounded as he waited to hear boy again.   “Help me! Please Somebody!” The man heard the boy loud and clear.   He could not pretend it was some animal or dream.   He knew it was a boy. And it paralyzed him.   The man clutched his knees to his chest and tucked his chin.   He took slow deep breaths, silent breaths, hoping the boy would believe he was on his own, ...

(unedited) Like many of you, I am not a huge fan of waiting.   There’s such a negative perception to waiting. As a society, we hate it, don’t we?   We hate it so much that companies know how to sell us their products.   Just tell us that it’s fast.   Fast food, fast delivery, fast internet service entices us.   Instant is another temptation.   Instant cash, instant coffee, Instagram! Okay, not quite the same but you know what I’m saying, right?   We complain about being hurried, but we gravitate toward the fast lane.   Passing someone is a lot more rewarding that keeping pace in the slow lane. I get it. Guilty as charged, ya know.   Patience, on the other hand, is a discipline. In my brief experience in the military, I was taught patience.   Most of the time it was in a twisted sort of way, like “hurry up and wait”.   Think about that for a moment.   You are given the emergency of ten seconds to be som...

It was a Tuesday afternoon and I’m driving home from a long day teaching school.   I pull in the drive way, I’m tired.   I barely noticed the strange car in the driveway, thinking   to myself “it’s probably one of my son’s friends.” I walk up to the front door and it’s locked. I knock but no one comes to the door. Okay, I’ll just use my house key.   They probably could hear for all of the noise.   I have four kids 18, 15, 13, 11, but I don’t recognize any of their voices.   I use my house key to open the door.   When I enter in, all of these strange people are in my house. Four kids, two boys and two girls who look about the same age as my kids, but they were strangers.   The kids all stopped and stared at me.   I was just as strange to them.   The eighteen year old spoke first. “What are you doing here?” his voice trembled. “This is my home, young man.” I tried not to lose my cool, but what kind of ...

When I write, I feel like that first thought is like standing on the edge of a cliff.   Will I plunge to my death or defy gravity and fly?   The weight of my words I’m always conscious of, perhaps too much, but I’m working on that.   I remember when I used to have a severe stuttering problem.   I would need the help of a speech therapist just to find the ability to maintain simply conversations.   There’s nothing quite like having the words or the answers to questions or just questions themselves, trapped in my mind unable to come out and express themselves.   It took years before I found my voice. When I write I feel like I’m finding that voice again.   The blank screen waits patiently for me to tell it what to say.   I am very aware of the power of words and the impact that words have on humanity.   (how words impact me.)   when I write I want to reach your soul, make you smile, laugh, knod your head, maybe ev...

  John 12:1-8   Vs 1-2 Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2  So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. The time was six days before the Passover. This was the final week in Jesus ‘life before going to the cross. Jesus spent several nights in Bethany, east of Jerusalem.   He and his disciples went back to Bethany, where Lazarus lived and attended a dinner in Jesus’ honor.   According to Mark 14:1-11, they were in the home of Simon the Leper.   Simon came to Jesus when he was Galilee and asked him to heal him.   (A bold move for a person with leprosy.   The skin disease itself was incurable causing a person to be ritually unclean, socially untouchable and unapproachable because it was contagious. Leprosy was considered a visible illustration of sin...

Day 8: The Random Movie List (unedited) 1.   mary poppins 2.   the passion of the Christ 3.   the fellowship of the ring 4.   the two towers 5. the return of the king 6.   star wars a new hope 7.   the empire strikes back 8. the return of the jedi 9.   moonraker 10. dr. no 11. goldfinger 12. from Russia with love 13.   flash Gordon 14. superman the movie 15. superman II 16. Indiana jones: the raiders of the lost ark 17. Indiana jones the temple of doom 18.   Indiana jones: the last crusade 19.   for your eyes only 20.   back to the future 21.   back to the future part two 22.   back to the future part three 23.   ghostbusters 24.   batman 25.   batman begin 26.   the dark knight 27.   rise of the dark knight 28.   blazing saddles 29.   night of the living dead 30. zorro the gay blade 31.   the leg...

--> I wish someone would have told me that dating was a waste of time.   All of the games that people play with your heart just isn’t worth the pain.   What I was looking for was greater and more meaningful than a girlfriend anyway.   I wish I had spent that time focusing on my dream of being a musician and a writer.   I loved music, poetry and plays.   I used to write poetry, pretending they were records and write plays pretending they were movies.   Its amazing to me that with all of my dreams, I never thought or imagine that I could actually be a musician.   It was just some fantasy that never fully developed into something real.   I wish someone would have taught me how to fix cars.   I know I hated that idea as a kid, but really, if I had the right teacher....   There’s nothing more frustrating than being at the mercy of someone who can do something that you can’t.   I’ve been cheated by shade tree mechanics ...

She was in the back of the crowd, far in the back.   She was small and invisible so she wasn’t afraid of being exposed or called out.   It was easy for her to blend in with the crowd that gathered to hear Jesus teach.   She was curious of him.   Attracted to his presence. He commanded a presence without prestige or power.   As she moved and shifted and shuffled her way closer to the front she noticed that he really didn’t stand out physically either.   There was nothing about him that commanded physical attraction.   He was no King Saul, clearly. He was…well, ordinary, but he spoke with such authority.   She heard about the miracles, the feeding of the five thousand with a little boy’s meal, the healing of the invalid in Bethesda; people are still talking about that one.   Some heard that he walked on water .   She was wondering, “what would Jesus do today?” There was also talk of his claiming to be God, the ver...

Day Five: The Day I won’t forget (free writing please forgive the errors) The day I wont forget is the day I withdrew from college and reported to active duty during Operation Desert Storm.   It was an emotional day the started with saying good bye to all of my friends.   I received a lot of hugs and tears from folks who were scared, angry and sad to see to go.   I had friends who were also withdrawing that day, so I didn’t feel totally alone.   The hardest part was the broken relationship I had with my girl that I didn’t have the ability to repair.   We were together for nearly two years and had experienced more than our share of ups and downs.   She was my everything, which was a huge part of the problem and when she couldn’t deal with my depression, she left me.   No doubt it was sanity’s sake that she left me.   I certainly didn’t see what my pain was doing to her at the time.   In my unfairness to her, I ma...

so I’m don’t do a lot of free writing. but it is a good practice to introduce to my creativity. things that are flowing in my mind should be able to come out freely. one of my biggest challenges is my inner edtitor.   he is constantly thinking of better ways to say certain things I think about. most of the time I don’t write anything at all for fear of being misunderstood. I have to get over that and just write from a place of freedom and grace. I am going to offend and I will be misunderstood even if I do everything quote unquote right. so free writing must be a part of my growth process as a writer and a teacher. I’m learning to give myself permission to explore my imagination and discover the areas of my untapped spirit. the part of me that’s fresh and new and exciting and sensual and intelligent and spiritual and goofy. there was a time when being cool and accepted was my goal in life. it’s funny that once I achieved a certain level of that, I real...