Fear: to be afraid
something or someone. What do I fear?
I’m in a room filled with 100’s people, excited filled with anticipation. I’m standing in the back of room waiting for
my name to be called, going over my notes.
My name is called. I make my way
up to the front of the room and there’s a dead silence. It’s in that silence that I experience fear. I think back to those horrific moments in
school when I stuttered so bad that I needed a speech therapist. Having the words in my mind, but they’re
trapped, held hostage by my terror.
When I was a kid, there were times when I was afraid to answer the phone. I remember one time, the phone rang, I picked
it up and I discovered that it was my Dad.
My Dad that lived in California, when I lived in Louisiana. I was terrified. My dad kept saying “Hello?,
Hello?”I was paralyzed. I could not
speak. I can’t remember if I hung up the
phone, but I sure wanted to crawl in a hole and not come out until I wasn’t a
freak again.
I’m driving to a destination that I have to be at certain
time. I’ve never been there before and I
miss my turn. Where am I going? Did I miss my turn? Did I not get to my
turn? I’m going to late! I am afraid of being lost. When I was a kid, my family went on a family
picnic. There was a wooded area near by
and some of the kids ran into the woods to play. I ran behind them to play. I could hear their voices laughing and
yelling. I tried to follow their voices
to find them. But then all of sudden,
there was silence. I couldn’t hear a soul. I looked around and I’m alone and
lost. Like, I’m the only kid in the
woods kind of lost. The sun is going
down. it’s getting late and no one is coming from me. That’s a fear where I am
just hopeless.
It’s a Saturday night
and my eighteen year old son is downtown or over a friend’s house. I expect him to be home at a certain time and
he’s late. I can’t sleep until he walks
through the door. Where is he? Did he lie to me? Is he standing in front of a policeman trying
to pass a sobriety test? Was he in an
accident? When has he text me back? I fear his death more than my own. A parent’s fear is hard to express without
sounding overprotected or overbearing.
We think the worst when our fears are allowed roam in our thoughts
without a leash.
I’ve learned how to face my fears in order to conquer the
challenges before me. God at times
initiates those experiences when I have to face my fears head on, if I want to receive
that breakthrough. He gives me peace
that I cannot understand!
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