Day 22: Write About Fear

Fear:  to be afraid something or someone.  What do I fear? I’m in a room filled with 100’s people, excited filled with anticipation.  I’m standing in the back of room waiting for my name to be called, going over my notes.  My name is called.  I make my way up to the front of the room and there’s a dead silence.  It’s in that silence that I experience fear.  I think back to those horrific moments in school when I stuttered so bad that I needed a speech therapist.  Having the words in my mind, but they’re trapped, held hostage by my terror. 

When I was a kid, there were times when I  was afraid to answer the phone.  I remember one time, the phone rang, I picked it up and I discovered that it was my Dad.  My Dad that lived in California, when I lived in Louisiana.  I was terrified. My dad kept saying “Hello?, Hello?”I was paralyzed.  I could not speak.  I can’t remember if I hung up the phone, but I sure wanted to crawl in a hole and not come out until I wasn’t a freak again.

I’m driving to a destination that I have to be at certain time.  I’ve never been there before and I miss my turn.  Where am I going?  Did I miss my turn? Did I not get to my turn?  I’m going to late!  I am afraid of being lost.  When I was a kid, my family went on a family picnic.  There was a wooded area near by and some of the kids ran into the woods to play.  I ran behind them to play.  I could hear their voices laughing and yelling.  I tried to follow their voices to find them.  But then all of sudden, there was silence. I couldn’t hear a soul. I looked around and I’m alone and lost.  Like, I’m the only kid in the woods kind of lost.  The sun is going down. it’s getting late and no one is coming from me. That’s a fear where I am just hopeless.

It’s  a Saturday night and my eighteen year old son is downtown or over a friend’s house.  I expect him to be home at a certain time and he’s late.  I can’t sleep until he walks through the door.  Where is he?  Did he lie to me?  Is he standing in front of a policeman trying to pass a sobriety test?  Was he in an accident?  When has he text me back?  I fear his death more than my own.  A parent’s fear is hard to express without sounding overprotected or overbearing.  We think the worst when our fears are allowed roam in our thoughts without a leash. 

I’ve learned how to face my fears in order to conquer the challenges before me.  God at times initiates those experiences when I have to face my fears head on, if I want to receive that breakthrough.  He gives me peace that I cannot understand!