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Day 10: Write About Writing (unedited)


When I write, I feel like that first thought is like standing on the edge of a cliff.  Will I plunge to my death or defy gravity and fly?  The weight of my words I’m always conscious of, perhaps too much, but I’m working on that.  I remember when I used to have a severe stuttering problem.  I would need the help of a speech therapist just to find the ability to maintain simply conversations.  There’s nothing quite like having the words or the answers to questions or just questions themselves, trapped in my mind unable to come out and express themselves.  It took years before I found my voice.

When I write I feel like I’m finding that voice again.  The blank screen waits patiently for me to tell it what to say.  I am very aware of the power of words and the impact that words have on humanity.  (how words impact me.)  when I write I want to reach your soul, make you smile, laugh, knod your head, maybe even share a tear. I don’t always get what I want of course.  That’s why I keep write.  That’s why after all these years, I can’t let it go.  Writing beckons me to write.  When I don’t, it’s like I skipped a meal. Sometimes it feel like not calling a love one or forgetting to say thank you for an unexpected gift.  When I don’t write I feel ungrateful in a way.  I miss it. and yet it’s so hard for to get started.

I mean, how does a person begin a conversation with no one, hoping that someone will hear you and give you something back.  There’s a certain degree of vulnerability that comes from writing that connects me to humanity.  I believe we all have that something or somethings that connects us to humanity.  That’s why we are a little turned off by self centered ness.  How can a person use their gift to only beneifit themselves, me , me me!  I write to share my life with you but I must admit, I also write to share my life with…me.  Not out of narcissism, but as a reality check . 

I write to connect with my Creator as well.  After all, without him, there would be no me.  I know that makes some people uncomfortable, but it’s just the way I feel.  God has given me such a precious gift.  It’s up to me to expose it to the sun and watch it grow.  For me writing to music gives me the freedom to listen to my soul as I write. I know that sounds strange and unmanly, but I’m not afraid to share that I am on a mission to strengthen my soul.  My soul needs my faith to grow and in order for my faith to grow I must exercise it.  Which brings me back to the edge of the cliff.  Will I fall or will I fly?


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