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The Lie (Day 3 of writing challenge)

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Wife: where have you been?
Husband:  You’re not going to believe this, sweetie
Wife:  You got that right.
Husband: I was at the gas station up the street and all of sudden there was the dude staggering in the middle of the road.
Wife:  Some dude?
Husband: Yeah! Some dude wearing tights and cape!
Wife: tights and cape.
Husband: Yeah! and a “S” on his chest!
Wife: Really? You saw superman?
Husband: No, no don’t call him that! He gets really mad when you call him that.
Wife: Really?
Husband: Yeah. but anyway, dude walks up to me and says “hold this for me.”
Wife: What was it?
Husband: a ring! a diamond ring.
Wife: what happened to it?
Husband: I’m getting to that.  Anyway, he gave me this ring and when I looked around, this other dude pulls up with this black…car, some giant sports tank looking thing.  He pulls up and jumps out of the car and runs in the gas station.
Wife: Wearing black and pointy ears?
Husband:  how did you know? Anyway, his cape gets stuck in the car door and it rips!  The dude with the s, starts laughing and pointing at the guy in black tights. I guess the dude had to pee really bad!
Wife:  Batman had to pee.
Husband: Batman? Who the heck is Batman? There were no bats!
Wife: Sorry. Then what happened?
Husband: The dude in the black runs in the men’s room and this kid in green underwear jumps out and runs in the store.  I’m standing there staring at him and he turns around to me and says “I need some jerky!”
Wife: Robin likes beef jerky?
Husband: Robin? What…
Wife: Nevermind.  What happened to the ring?
Husband:  I’m getting to that!  Anyway little man goes in and get jerky and out comes the dude in the black tights he walks right up to the guy with the S on his chest, tugs on his cape and slaps him in the face.
Wife:  Batman slaps Superman?
Husband: Whatever. Yes, he slapped him, okay?
Wife: Then?
Husband: Then the S chested guy turns to me and says “You believe this guy?” and I’m like “guys, guys” And then some bald headed dude in a robot suit walks up and slaps both of those guys and I’m like “Oh Snap!” The bald headed dude then walks up to me and asked me for five dollars.
Wife: five dollars?
Husband: I know! weird right? Well I gave him five dollars and that’s when he see the ring in my hand. “Where did you get that ring?” he says to me. And I’m like, he gave it to me and the s chested guy starts screaming at him like “you idiot!”Im like “what, what?”  And the black tights guy says to me “It was a surprise gift”.
Wife: really?
Husband: I know, right? How am I supposed to know that?
Wife: So what did you do?
Husband: I gave the ring to the kid and he drove off in the tank car.  Said he was taking the ring to Mordor or something.
Wife: (pauses) You got my funyuns?
Husband: right here.
Wife: Thank you.

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